My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
