was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
