I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
