Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
