the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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