some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
