I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
