i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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