Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
