considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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