if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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