Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
