I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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