You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
