no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
