I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
