Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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