Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
