i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
