Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
