the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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