you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i would punch a child for taco bell
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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