I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
