i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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