I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
