Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
