dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
