actually, I'm a sock model
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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