they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
