I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
