I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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