one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
