Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
