all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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