I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
someone owes me an orgasm
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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