I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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