first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
