please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
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a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
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Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.