Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!