The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach