Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.