dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
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this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
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Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old