i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
