Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
