that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
