She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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