Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
