dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
