When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
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