I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
that may or may not have been my penis.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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