You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
