The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
BRING THE BAGELS
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
