South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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