How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
