Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
