I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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