dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
