I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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