Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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