and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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