a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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