I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
