Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
