I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
