Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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